How many do YOU have?

College boy: Try plugging it into the other hole.
Trig. Prof: The other hole?
College boy: Do you have two holes at the top?
Trig. Prof: No, well, I do, just this one and this big one...

Missing the point

College girl #1: What about fish?
College girl #2: No, she won't eat anything with eyes.
College girl #1: Well, you cut the head off and then it doesn't have eyes anymore.

On a totally different topic, has anyone seen my new puppy recently?

Trig. Prof: Did anyone come by my office yesterday?
Class is silent
Trig. Prof: Good, my office stinks. I think an animal died in there...

...and he's only four years old!

Lit Teacher: He's Batman! He's Jesus!

That's funny, I thought food was...

Physical Stress Managment Prof: Massage is food for the body.

We just want to get totally wasted.

Physical Stress Management Prof: ...and you should always drink a water in between every beer.
Student: But that sobers you up.
Physical Stress Management Prof: What?
Student: That sobers you up. That's not exactly what we're going for.

this guy knows college students...

Physical Stress Management Prof: So you mix the alcohol and water together and freeze it and it'll get like an alcohol slushy...rubing alcohol.
Class: Oh.